Job Search

Though I am not completely at the point of success where I'd like to be, I feel as though I'm getting closer each day. I feel motivated to do better and be better at whatever I do.

The other day, my father said a wise, motivating quote. He said "You know, there are two types of horses in the race. There are the super fast ones that finish before any other..and then there are the slower ones that take their time and pace themselves...they get to the finish line slower, but when they get there they make significant change and impact and you may be the slower one, but  you are making a change, a big progress through every little action you take and every accomplishment you make."

This made me feel really good because lately I have been feeling down in the dumps, upset of where I am and what my path in life is. It made me feel proud that my dad was proud me, regardless of me having a full time job or not, at least he sees that I'm working to get one. This made me feel like I am going somewhere and it's true...I just have to keep reminding my self that. I've been applying to different places, interviewing, networking, doing mock interviews and more, but I still felt pretty bad about not finding my niche I guess. I've been pretty negative too lately as well.

But, I'm taking a new stance, I'm trying at least to be more positive..to take an active role in my life...to make applying to jobs a full-time job. This is my priority. Also, applying to several graduate schools is also important to me. I can't give up. I'm already too close to my dream to give up. Have you ever had that feeling? Where you feel like each day you are getting closer to your main goal in life? Like those little steps you take are bringing some eternal happiness inside you? Well, I have been feeling that too...despite the lazy river of anxious waiting and hearing back from people and agencies I've applied to. Despite it all, I feel like my training and work in progress is bringing me closer to my dreams and that I would say is very fulfilling and I'm not giving up.

'Education is a life long process' and this quote, to me, refers to learning from past mistakes and modifying my behavior to bring me closer to happiness, God, and my dreams for the future. Education is not just inside a textbook or a classroom, it is learning from those around you that have different backgrounds, skills, and experience with life in general, and applying that knowledge to your life. That is what education is to me.

The information you learn here goes past the door- Domestic Violence Training

So I'm going to share with you guys a few things I learned from my Domestic Violence 40-hour training these past weeks as well as a few topics I have up for debate. What kind of irked me today, especially was that the speakers referred to a Counselor (LPC) at an NGO taking on an 'Advocate' role rather than a therapeutic one.

I also feel this training was a bit biased. Not only is it coming mainly from a South Asian perspective, but it's also coming from a strong-headed feminist and Social Work perspective. Don't get me wrong, I myself am a feminist, but to put women as a victim and to say we are 'institutionalized' and everything wrong occurs to us only, seems to me as a tad bit one-sided. I don't like feeling like everything bad is occurring to women and usually by the male gender. I seek to have an androgynous world, with equality.... and if we keep saying we are the victim of this patriarchal society, then we will never see a man or men as equal, because we will look down at every man...though every man does not commit sexual assault or Domestic Violence.

I started seeing myself have these thoughts, negative thoughts towards the opposite sex...because all we do is blame the men. And though I do not advocate for Domestic Violence, I still do not believe that it is okay to blame all men instead of just a group that commit the act of Domestic Violence. According to my training, presented by an NGO that I do not want to disclose,  12% of adult men in the general American population have been violent with an intimate female partner, which is approximately 2 million men in the US. That is a large number, nonetheless, but I do still feel that we cannot blame the whole group for the mistakes of a smaller part of the male population. That is incorrect and unfair. I mean to hear speakers say that they know men who feel bad if a girl/woman is walking down the street at night because she probably thinks that he will attack her and he wants to yell, "I won't do anything, don't worry" makes me feel bad for those men that actually are good and not wanting to hurt another. I mean why do we put people in a general grouping when the training itself says not to compare one person of a group to the whole group, in regards to ethnicity and gender status at least(since we are all different)? I do know there is a high prevalence of Domestic Violence that occurs to women especially by men, but that does not mean all men are batterers. Domestic Violence also does occur to men by women, it is just under reported due to stigmas of society that a man must be strong enough to deal with the beating from a woman.Double standard huh? I do not condone Domestic Violence at all and I do believe law enforcement has a great influence on who's getting in trouble for these cases as well...but that is another long conversation as well for another day.

The other point I'd like to make is with Mental Illness and DV. By the way the acronym 'DV' does not seem to be used much when speaking about Domestic Violence by professionals, as far as I've seen, so I don't know if its okay to use that on an interview, cover letter, or conversation. I'm only using it interchangeably here to avoid typing it every time. 'Domestic Violence isn't caused by Mental Illnesses and nor does Mental Illness cause Domestic Violence' I don't necessarily believe that. According to professionals of DV, research states that perpetrators and abusers of DV don't necessarily have a disorder because they can control their anger in front of other people such as bosses, just not their wives, significant others, and/or girlfriends. Also according to DV training, it states that modeling aggression through family systems does not have a causal effect for batterers (which goes opposite what I've learned in all my psychology classes that men who have witnessed abuse are more likely to abuse others themselves). Actually, only 20-30% of men who experienced trauma or witnessed abuse in their families when they were younger are abusers now. Surprising, huh? And 50-65% of batterers only commit DV to families and have few, if any, pathologies. These are only correlational statistics, not causal.

Anyway's back to the mental health debate. PTSD is very common for trauma victims to deal with and especially those who have undergone Sexual Assault. People who are more at risk for PTSD are refugees and homeless. Approximately 5.2 million American adults 3.6% of the population develop Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder. Also, 19.1 million American adults are affected by anxiety disorders. 9.5% of the U.S. population age 18 and older experience a depressive disorder, 66% of these people are women. I don't necessarily think these all correct figures, they are from the training.

From what I've learned, PTSD is very common in victims and survivors of Sexual Assault and/or Sexual Abuse....as well as depressive disorders in women in general are very common. My prediction was that DV can cause Mental Illness or has a high correlation to Mental Illnesses, such as depression and PTSD, manic depressive disorder, etc.

According to a Medical News Today, women with PTSD are 7 times more likely to have experienced Domestic Violence. Also women that experience DV are 2.5 times more likely to have depressive disorders. This is just one article that I found, but saying that mental illness is not correlated with Domestic Violence is absurd. It may not be causal but it is very hugely correlated.

It seems to me some NGO's try to not "stigmatize" their clients by stating that they are not undergoing a disorder or mental illness because they feel that their clients are not going through anything more than an unfortunate event that occurred in their life. To me, that sound ridiculous because although you may help someone get through this DV incident, find shelter, help get them a job, and give safety to their children, you are not helping them coping with the psychological trauma that they suffered, you are just supplementing them with basic material needs, which will only secure them for a short time. If you do not take care of the internal self, then how will you be happy with your external life completely? That is my question. I don't know if it is just this NGO that my training is through, but not diagnosing your client and ignoring the question of psychological effects, does not completely heal the client.

Also if you state you are 'counseling' your clients and just helping through crisis, but not working through their emotions and rather just helping them find security, OP's and a lifestyle change without evaluating them mentally through assessments and theory based therapy, how can you completely heal them? I think some NGO's need to understand how hugely Mental Illness plays a role in Domestic Violence and create a therapeutic based approach to their counseling.