So a couple of months ago, I moved out on my own. And very soon did I learn a lot of life lessons, some of which consisted of cooking for oneself, maintaining a secure household, being self disciplined, and balancing time for fun, work, and a mixture of both.
At first, this was a big transition. Soon enough, I learned that my first full time job out of college would not be my career, life-saving, cheerful, and hobby-job I had wished for. So I left the job that I was formerly at, after having a eye-opening and enriching experience at the Domestic Violence Agency I had formerly worked for and set out to find a new calling.
To be honest, the job was not a bad job at all. It was just not for me. I'm sure many of you can imagine, hearing crisis after crisis, working 8-4:30 or sometimes even till 6 p.m. and undergoing this huge amount of mental stress due to the vicarious trauma dealt with your clients' experiences, can be mentally draining. The last few weeks at the job were depressing and I just couldn't see myself continuing there. I had even had my fair share of counseling while I was working there. The counselor said I may have been doing the amateur case-management mistake by putting the "super-woman/man" cape on me and believing that I can solve and fix everyone's problems. I believe she was right. I had a heart that I allowed to be ripped and shredded to pieces until there was barely any left. I felt the trauma of the client as if it was my own, which is not the route I personally recommend future social service workers to undergo. There was a point in time that I felt numb to sad emotion, that I could not even cry anymore for normal life events that would have made me cry a puddle of tears in the past. I thought something was utterly wrong with me and I didn't know what it was.
As I was closing this chapter in my life, I had to ask myself a few important questions. The decision to stay in this dreadful state of distress or the decision to move on and to open a new chapter of my life and be happy again, were some of the main points I had to ask myself. These choices were hard to make. I spoke with many different people, until I decided to finally take the new step in my life.
It was bittersweet when I new this stage of my life was ending, as I knew I was a powerful source to this agency and I had made great impact on the lives of many of my clients. I had faith that many of my clients would continue their struggle for empowerment and gaining control of their lives again, but this was also the chance for me to regain control of my life as well.
I admit after I left, I felt a bit of uncertainty for what is to come for the future. I felt unsure of what my new plan of action was. I asked for a lot of help, especially from God. I sought out answers from mainly people of religion, and asked them to help me pray for certainty of what is to come in my near future. I prayed to God that I wanted to get to know him and to guide me closer to him. Throughout this month, I had to learn to have faith in God and to see that I cannot control what is bound to happen in future if it is against his will. I must try to obtain my goals, but I learned that sometimes your goals are not what God has planned for you. And that God's plan is stronger than any plan we have for ourselves. I started believing in fate even more, although I didn't give up on self-discipline and that immense amount of effort I have put into everything I have worked for in my life. I just gained a deeper amount of gratitude for all God has done for me.
During these past few months, in the times of sadness and ambiguity of the future, I was luckily able to meet a really welcoming group of people that helped me understand what is going on my life. These people sort of became my backbone in what I do and how I seek out to accomplish my goals.
Through daily prayer and weekly meetings with community members, I gained strength and optimism. Currently, I am also deeply following my dreams and trying to rebuild them in a way. Due to my first full-time job experience and my transition of moving away, I believe I had felt lost for a little while, but with time I pray to God, Inshallah, that I will find my way again. With weekly conversation groups for Spanish, and in between listening to Podcasts and reading books in Spanish, I believe I am getting a lot closer to the dream I had imagined in my life, but was moving far away from after I had graduated college.
Sometimes coming back home from college, and moving back in to parental households can distract us from our goals as well. There is so much pressure for us to get a job right out of college these days, that we just go for the first decent paying job we see, but it is important to stop and ask ourselves, is this really where we see ourselves 5-10 years down the line? And if the answer to the question is "no", then we must reevaluate our current plan and adjust our execution to get closer to that pathway we had envisioned for ourselves to be on. "Never live anyone else's dream, only yours because you will have to live with it in the end"
I know one thing, I love Spanish, speaking it, reading it, listening to it...pretty much all of the above. I don't know what I want to do with it just yet, but I know if I go through just one day without practicing it or even saying one word in this language, I feel like crying. I feel like something is missing. And that to me is passion...so I'm glad I still have it.
Also a word of advice to college juniors and seniors especially, and even college graduates: It's okay if you don't have it all put together, just as long as you're not giving up on yourself, that is all that matters. Our life plan will constantly change and life will even cause ourselves to change, but we must never be afraid of change. We must welcome it. :)
At first, this was a big transition. Soon enough, I learned that my first full time job out of college would not be my career, life-saving, cheerful, and hobby-job I had wished for. So I left the job that I was formerly at, after having a eye-opening and enriching experience at the Domestic Violence Agency I had formerly worked for and set out to find a new calling.
To be honest, the job was not a bad job at all. It was just not for me. I'm sure many of you can imagine, hearing crisis after crisis, working 8-4:30 or sometimes even till 6 p.m. and undergoing this huge amount of mental stress due to the vicarious trauma dealt with your clients' experiences, can be mentally draining. The last few weeks at the job were depressing and I just couldn't see myself continuing there. I had even had my fair share of counseling while I was working there. The counselor said I may have been doing the amateur case-management mistake by putting the "super-woman/man" cape on me and believing that I can solve and fix everyone's problems. I believe she was right. I had a heart that I allowed to be ripped and shredded to pieces until there was barely any left. I felt the trauma of the client as if it was my own, which is not the route I personally recommend future social service workers to undergo. There was a point in time that I felt numb to sad emotion, that I could not even cry anymore for normal life events that would have made me cry a puddle of tears in the past. I thought something was utterly wrong with me and I didn't know what it was.
As I was closing this chapter in my life, I had to ask myself a few important questions. The decision to stay in this dreadful state of distress or the decision to move on and to open a new chapter of my life and be happy again, were some of the main points I had to ask myself. These choices were hard to make. I spoke with many different people, until I decided to finally take the new step in my life.
It was bittersweet when I new this stage of my life was ending, as I knew I was a powerful source to this agency and I had made great impact on the lives of many of my clients. I had faith that many of my clients would continue their struggle for empowerment and gaining control of their lives again, but this was also the chance for me to regain control of my life as well.
I admit after I left, I felt a bit of uncertainty for what is to come for the future. I felt unsure of what my new plan of action was. I asked for a lot of help, especially from God. I sought out answers from mainly people of religion, and asked them to help me pray for certainty of what is to come in my near future. I prayed to God that I wanted to get to know him and to guide me closer to him. Throughout this month, I had to learn to have faith in God and to see that I cannot control what is bound to happen in future if it is against his will. I must try to obtain my goals, but I learned that sometimes your goals are not what God has planned for you. And that God's plan is stronger than any plan we have for ourselves. I started believing in fate even more, although I didn't give up on self-discipline and that immense amount of effort I have put into everything I have worked for in my life. I just gained a deeper amount of gratitude for all God has done for me.
During these past few months, in the times of sadness and ambiguity of the future, I was luckily able to meet a really welcoming group of people that helped me understand what is going on my life. These people sort of became my backbone in what I do and how I seek out to accomplish my goals.
Through daily prayer and weekly meetings with community members, I gained strength and optimism. Currently, I am also deeply following my dreams and trying to rebuild them in a way. Due to my first full-time job experience and my transition of moving away, I believe I had felt lost for a little while, but with time I pray to God, Inshallah, that I will find my way again. With weekly conversation groups for Spanish, and in between listening to Podcasts and reading books in Spanish, I believe I am getting a lot closer to the dream I had imagined in my life, but was moving far away from after I had graduated college.
Sometimes coming back home from college, and moving back in to parental households can distract us from our goals as well. There is so much pressure for us to get a job right out of college these days, that we just go for the first decent paying job we see, but it is important to stop and ask ourselves, is this really where we see ourselves 5-10 years down the line? And if the answer to the question is "no", then we must reevaluate our current plan and adjust our execution to get closer to that pathway we had envisioned for ourselves to be on. "Never live anyone else's dream, only yours because you will have to live with it in the end"
I know one thing, I love Spanish, speaking it, reading it, listening to it...pretty much all of the above. I don't know what I want to do with it just yet, but I know if I go through just one day without practicing it or even saying one word in this language, I feel like crying. I feel like something is missing. And that to me is passion...so I'm glad I still have it.
Also a word of advice to college juniors and seniors especially, and even college graduates: It's okay if you don't have it all put together, just as long as you're not giving up on yourself, that is all that matters. Our life plan will constantly change and life will even cause ourselves to change, but we must never be afraid of change. We must welcome it. :)
