India, nothing but the TRUTH

So I've been contemplating a lot about this blog post. For many weeks and months I have struggled inside of myself and thought "should I really write this?" or "is this going to benefit anyone?" Then I realized  I was in fear of writing this because I didn’t want to offend people, especially those of my community that are of Indian descent. Many people have told me that I am just pointing out the negatives of the country . But reality is, if I don’t say what I saw and try to come to a solution, who will? I’m not going to try and sugar coat what I saw in India, nor am I going to be rude as well, but I will tell you the bitter truth to what the sad parts of living in an Indian community can be like.

This past January, when I visited India and it wasn't quite the experience I expected to have. It was actually really eye opening, yet brought me to deep disgust. Much of what I saw on T.V. or heard other people brag about was not the truth of India. The clothes, the shopping, the beautiful scenery was all there.

Believe it or not, my first view of India was right as we were stepping out of the plane. I actually was trying to go in with an open mind and it wasn't even like I just had a self-confirming bias of negative stereotypes I hold because I was predicting that India would be so modernized and open like my mom and recent popularity of the country had told me. But indeed, this first view of the country reconfirmed negative past thoughts. It was so minute, yet so aggravating to see. It was actually a man and woman arguing on the plane. This woman was the same woman I smiled at as I stepped foot onto the plane and she actually had given me an angry stare. I believe this woman had come with her friend on the plane and she was one of the few of the women  alongside with us that was on board to India from Dubai. I don't think she had any connection with that man, but still he was talking down to her like she was his child or actually, the way many Indian men talk to their wives. He told her "how dare you talk to me like that, do you not know how to talk to a man with respect???". And this was just moments after some conversation between them had occurred. This was right when people were trying get off the plane. This was an argument based on petty reasons, because supposedly she referred to the guy in a informal "you" which is "tu" in Hindi and he told her to refer to him by "aap" which is the formal way of saying "you". I couldn't believe my eyes that this was happening in only the first few moments of us landing in the country.

Despite my first negative experience, I still came in with an open mind. We had great times in Mumbai with endless hours shopping, eating, drinking fresh fruit juices,movie nights with mom, and Juhu Beach. Things were great, but I never felt free. I always had to be with family. I didn't feel comfortable even wearing shorts there or even a dress. The one time I did wear a dress, I believed I was slapped on the buttocks once or twice. I felt like I was being stared every moment I was there, especially when wearing more revealing clothing.

I thought to myself, may this is why other women aren't out at night by themselves, maybe they feel just as scared as me or even worse? I thought why on earth are there a gazillion men on the streets but not any woman? 'I thought there was a night life here, is it hidden or is it just shown on T.V.?'

I spoke to my family about these questions. They didn't really have a valid answer as per my knowledge. They just said things like "because it's late out and it’s dangerous for a woman to be out". Though I heard all these bashing viewpoints about America from my relatives, I never heard anything negative about India. It was always seemed like everyone was saying India's the best, but never actually stated logical reasons as to why. This made me really upset. Surely, there were issues here that had yet to be resolved. "If I read a book on the red light district here in India and I feel so unsafe, there has to be something missing from this puzzle!",I thought. I already knew gender discrimination was prevalent, but I knew it was being ignored. The patriarchal system and the people of the community seemed to be in denial. I decided to stop the ignorance and actually start watching the news with my grandfather every night. I couldn't let my country be put to pieces when I knew there was some grander issue in the country I was residing in as well, which was just being denied.

Through watching the news, I found out shocking and terrible statistics of Mumbai and New Delhi...the lack of security and safety a woman has..ugh the indecency! Everyday, I heard a new story about a rape case, whether it was dispute about the girl who was raped on the bus or an 8 year girl that was raped in her school bathroom...it was ridiculous! Then I thought, "why are all of these rape cases being shown only in New Delhi, is it only New Delhi that this occurs in?"

Later, I found out that Mumbai was the largest city with a red light district in all of Asia. If this was a fact, why do so many people act like it's not true? Why do so many people brag about the country as if there are no problems? Why is there this need for so much ethnocentrism? Why not admit there is a problem and actually help reduce the problem???

Why do I see so many women hiding the truth of their realities that they deal with right in their house each and everyday? Is hiding really going to help us end this violence, this gender inequality?? Is this denial going to help change this patriarchal-dominant country to become androgynous, equal society? How can we stop gender-roles if we don’t stop ourselves from conforming to them?

So I am here now, realizing more and more each day about my passion, the passion that I have tried to subside due to the lack of support I have received from many people. Many people think it is such a difficult issue to address, that there is no help saving it. I on the other hand am not okay with Domestic Violence and human trafficking. I will not sit back and watch the show. I will not ignore it. Many of us see the issues among society and wish to sit back and let others do the work. Society has confirmed to  me that bystander effect is very prevalent and that many people assume the job will be taken care of by someone else, but that is not always the case. I on the other hand cannot stand this. WE  are a community that are progressing in sO many ways, and YET Domestic Violence and Human trafficking is still such a grand issue in our communities?

If you haven’t done so already, please read the book SOLD by Patricia McCormick because this book will open your eyes. I’m sorry but this is an issue that I am NOT going to ignore and I cannot stress that enough.

Something inside me is pulling me there and one day I will be in India advocating for women’s rights and I don’t care who tries and stop me.

Thank you.